033 Etiquette

Manners & Etiquette: 

Some Thoughts for Savvy Folks

Probably I should be writing about St. Patrick’s Day, but the topic of manners has been dancing about in my neurons since the December holidays. At several functions, those both family-related and civic/social, I noticed a number of behaviors that call for some thought.

I hope that any of our readers who agree, disagree, or have pet peeves will respond! We “Broads” have found that we have readers from Hawaii to Maine and Florida and even a few outside of the country now. We love it. Non-Virginians, are your social graces different?

Maybe manners are more regional than I think. Amy Vanderbilt, one of the noted etiquette gurus, said “it is axiomatic that as we mature…we must be able to meet more demanding social situations with confidence and ease.” Thus, the need for manners. Using proper etiquette does not mean one has to be stuffy or old-fashioned. Consideration of others is of greatest importance.

Here are some of my pet peeves:

1.  RSVP = respondez s’il vous plait means please accept or decline. Do not ignore this request. At some point, I may have been guilty of this, but if I have, my most sincere apology. A few reasons for not responding according to friends and associates are that the date may be too far in advance to know if or whether one wants to attend. Or it’s one of many fund raisers and you wish the requesting group had asked only for acceptances.

HOWEVER, if you have ever thrown a party, you really DO NEED TO KNOW how many guests to expect. Besides, this is $$ - food, drinks, chairs, tables, etc., etc., etc. Most invitations include return cards or even email addresses. It is polite to use them.



2. THANK YOU NOTES – These should be as essential in everyday life as your business correspondence. If someone takes the time to send you a gift or has done something to help you, a thank you should be sent. Little children can send a crayon picture. Grown up people - please write a few lines of sincere sentiment.





3. HYGIENE belongs at home. Please don’t pick your teeth at the restaurant table. Say “excuse me,” and go to the restroom. Ladies should not comb their hair at the table (the American Academy of Dermatology reports we lose from 50 to 100 hairs a day). Are you grossed out yet? Lipstick at the table is a sticky question. Emily Post says it is okay if casual dining with close friends or family, but NEVER in a business setting.

4. SHAKING HANDS/INTRODUCTIONS – Mixed reports on this one. I was taught to offer my hand with a firm (neither wet, limp fish nor a bone crushing) grip when meeting people. However, with all the germs mutating around us these days, sometimes a simple word of acknowledgement suffices. But, for heaven’s sake, make the introductions. It is sometimes uncomfortable to have to introduce one’s self and particularly if the person says “we’ve met.” Help your friends out - just say “you’ve met Tom Jones, haven’t you?”

5. CELL PHONES have gotten out of hand. Maybe I am beating the dead horse here, but I don’t want to know your business. Don’t talk so loud, please!! If we are having a conversation or in a social setting, I would like your attention. And, oops, I am sometimes guilty of this one – beware Candy Crush addiction. I will try to be better! Of course, we know never to use the cell when driving. We do know that, don’t we? The man in front of me at the red light didn’t seem to know that this morning. And if I had rear-ended him, it’s my fault….hmmm. And I love that the Alamo movie theatre says if you use your phone, you’re out.

6. PUNCTUALITY – I was reluctant to add this one. I have always underestimated how long something will take me – even if it’s driving across town. My excuse is that I was reared in Clarke County, VA.  Clarke is a rural mecca of orchards and farms as well as historic sites. We also have our own Clarke etiquette for social events – 45 minutes after a party begins is the acceptable time to arrive. Five to fifteen minutes for other events and we are notorious for calling doctors’ office to see if they are running behind schedule.


You might enjoy this anecdote I tell on myself. Soon after we got married some 35 years ago, my husband and I had an open house for friends and family on a Sunday afternoon from 2-5 p.m. Goodness gracious, some guests arrived at 2 p.m. I was amazed. I was not yet dressed. Some of my ‘friends’ refer to me as the “late Mrs. White.”

To wind this up, etiquette and manners - whether you see the two words as synonyms or manners being part of the more rigid code of etiquette – are society’s ways to follow the “Golden Rule” and be considerate of others.

I admit to sometimes interrupting (bad!!), too many apps on my cell phone (annoying!!), and being late (rude!!). It’s interesting, though, that I know not to put my elbows on the table, to put my napkin in my lap, and use the silverware from outside in at a formal dinner, and that’s MY butter plate above the fork on the left! I can tell you the traditional order of a bridal party processing and recessing, but we have become so informal that some of my knowledge may be of little use. I wonder if the graces and rules of etiquette is why Downton Abbey has such a following. Let us know what bothers you, dear savvy readers.

Glenne        

P.S.  I had a #7 pet peeve – men who sit sprawled with their knees in my space – in church, on public transportation, in the theatre! However, my husband says I can’t use that because it is not addressed by Emily Post. I am going to research this!

032 Florida

Florida or bust . . .Joining the blue hairs

Sunny Florida has always beckoned me during the winter months. This year was the perfect time to check it out since I retired last June, and my husband’s retirement job is flexible.

Leaving the snow and ice of a cold, cold winter was accomplished effortlessly with no looking back. We packed up the car and headed for “parts unknown” --- actually we knew where we were going but I love saying that.

As we made our way through North Carolina, we noticed snow covering the fields – a rough winter for sure. But finally, hitting South Carolina, we leave the snow for grass and freshly planted fields --- such a welcome view!

Stopping in Savannah, Ga. and staying on River Street, we abandon our heavy coats and boots for lighter jackets or none at all. We had forgotten what it was like to slowly stroll and sit outside to dine --- it felt great!

Heading to the Sunshine State, we realize the absence of snow is really good for the psyche and brings back all the pleasant memories of summer and spring. We had forgotten what it was like as we joined “snow birds,” flocking south.

Our first stop on the east side of Florida is to visit friends from Winchester where we are introduced to beautiful beaches (with a little nudity) and great seafood, as well as catching up.

The next destination is the on the west side of the state as we traverse Florida to soak up more of the sunshine. Clearwater Beach has a beautiful area that reminded us of Myrtle Beach, S.C. and Daytona Beach, Fla. We were pleasantly surprised at the cross section of tourists --- families, international visitors, young couples --- not the influx of “blue hairs” we had always associated with Florida.


We made the most of what was there, including a visit to the Chihuly Exhibition, a permanent display in St. Petersburg. His glass art is amazing and always impressive. 

The Clearwater Marine Aquarium was a must-see. The home of dolphins, Winter and Hope, stars of “Dolphin Tale” and “Dolphin Tale 2” did not disappoint. We loved those movie, and it was great to see them in person (or dolphin). If you get anywhere near the area, don’t miss either of these exciting attractions.

Also lunch with a special high school friend at an amazing seafood restaurant on the water added to the overall success of the trip --- we picked up where we left off decades ago not missing a beat.

As the trip progressed, we kept thinking, “Can this really be February.” Wearing sandals and shorts is not routine this time of year.

As cloudy weather moved in, (but nothing like back home where we had missed two snowstorms), we decided to head back up the coast on the east side. A beautiful drive up A1A, a ferry ride we didn’t know we would be taking, lighthouses, and amazing views assaulted our senses. We found a great hotel in St. Simons, Ga. and again were cognizant of the fact we had not seen snow, ice, sleet or freezing rain for days.

We stopped for a few days in South Carolina at one of our favorite beaches to avoid the return to winter in Virginia. When we did head back, we managed to find a day without any type of precipitation, but shortly, we were back in the middle of a large snowstorm-- hopefully one of the last of the season.

We highly recommend a southern road trip if you can tear yourself away from the shoveling, snow blowing, and freezing temperatures --- but if you can’t let go of winter, you have definitely lost your mind and there is no help for you.

Frances       

031 Reader

Confessions of a Book Reader

I have a lifetime of reading memories and thought I would share a few!

My parents were great readers and were in despair about their daughter who refused to learn to read. I thought my logic was sound—why go to the effort when both parents and my older sister were available to read to me?

We were living at the time on the naval base at Port Heuneme (pronounced why-a-name-e), California. So my parents consulted the base librarian and she recommended Dr. Seuss.

I started with If I Ran the Zoo, quickly followed by Horton Hears a Who. Soon there were complaints from the base authorities that I stopped on the way home from the base library and sat on the curb to read my books.

From that I progressed to reading everything in the house—cereal boxes, magazines, newspapers, my books, my sister’s books, my parents’ books. I heard, “Turn off the light and go to bed!” many nights until I discovered the flashlight under the covers!

When I was in the seventh and eighth grade, I decided I needed to read the great masters. I remember trying Russian novels such as War and Peace, but could not get through them. 

But somehow, I did manage to read the six volumes of the Carl Sandburg’s Lincoln, the Prairie Years and Lincoln, the War Years. Then I went through my French novelist phase, reading Dumas and Hugo. I loved Jean Valjean long before Les Mis!

I also remember reading Camus and Sartre at this time. My sister was senior in high school and I read all her supplemental readings. I am not sure I understood The Stranger but I finished it anyway.

When I lived in South Carolina, the local NPR station featured narrated books with a segment of a book read each day. That was my first introduction to audio-books. When I moved to Philadelphia and had a long commute to work, I listened to a lot of books. To keep up with my habit, I began reviewing audio-books for Library Journal and for Audio-File Magazine. 

I received a lot of free audio-books, including some real dogs. I also discovered some books don’t translate to audio format. I had loved The Hunchback of Notre Dame when I was in my Victor Hugo phase. On my earlier reading, I must have skipped all the pages that described the architecture of Paris. Since I have not been to Paris, listening to descriptions of building after building and block after block through an audio-tape was excruciating. 

Searching for more audio-books in the library introduced me to authors I might have never read, including Dick Francis, Nevada Barr, Sara Paretsky, Carl Hiaasen, and James Lee Burke. I loved to hear the narrator of Burke’s mysteries say the detective’s name—Robicheaux. 

Of course, now I download my audio-books from the library. Perhaps in a future posting I can talk about downloading printed books.

When I was a kid, I read book after book, always persevering to the end. Now, I find the book has to grab me right away or it goes back to the library unread. I am probably missing some good books, but I don’t seem to have as much time for reading.

Trish    

030 @%!Geese

Canada Geese, Fly Away Home!

Dear Savvy Readers, today’s blog may not make some of you happy. It may even be controversial to some. BUT we have pests I want GONE!! While I am somewhat of a nature lover, quasi-environmentalist, preservationist in many respects, CANADA GEESE are driving me crazy. Leave our front field and fresh water lake, please. I have counted as many as 134 of these fowl (foul!) birds while I sit in my Jeep and blow my horn at them. Some take flight. Others just glare at me. I swear they are glaring!

Okay, I am ranting today. According to the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service 2013 there are more than 5 million breeding Canada Geese in North America. Most Canada Geese used to be migratory birds who went south for the winter. No more. Most have become resident birds -year round.


Even with hunting allowed, many of these foul fowls tend to live in settled areas where firearm restrictions apply. Oh, good!  Canada Geese are one of the few bird species that digest grass, so they like the large expanses of lawn in parks, yards, golf course, farm fields and airports. Another favorite site is native wetlands for which our lake is qualified.  

Aviation safety is a major concern. In 2013 there were 240 goose-aircraft collisions. One of the most noted was U.S. Airways flight that went down in the Hudson River in 2009. 

I also worry about public health. Goose droppings are major. Please excuse the somewhat offensive photo of the results of ONE (1) goose in our front field, but multiply this times the one count of 134 birds in the field. Picnic by the lake, anyone? According to a National Geographic article, 50 geese produce 2.5 TONS of excrement in a year!


We have talked to local animal control. Over the years, we have worked our way up to a very nice guy at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service who suggested that I put on my hip waders and take a big can of Crisco out to the nesting areas in the wetlands of the lake area. Don gloves, I was told, and rub Crisco on the eggs so they do not hatch. After several seasons, the Canada Geese should begin looking for new gathering and nesting places. Yeah, right! And apparently, these very smart geese like to return to their place of birth as young adults. 

 Boomerang kids have nothing on these fowls. We have tried strobe lights by the lake to startle the geese away, big fake geese, and letting the some or all of the seven dogs on the farm run and bark at them. Again, I swear these geese just shrug and go on about their business. 

I have gotten some pleasure from gratuitous violence. I bought a paintball gun with water soluable pellets. I shoot at the geese!! However, while this alleves some stress on my part, it does NOT repel the geese. Noise does not bother them. I guess flying at airplanes has inured them to modern sounds – like propellers and jet engines. Vehicle horns surely don’t do any good.



And here are a few facts about Canada Geese that we don’t think about when we see a flock of them rise glorious in flight: The adult is BIG – up to 45 inches long with a 60 inch wingspan. Their weight varies from 11-20+ pounds. Their life span is 24 years. They molt in the summer months, losing ALL of their flight feathers! (That’s why we see them walking across roads instead of flying.) Mating begins at three years old. Each female goose lays four to seven eggs which hatch in 28 days. 

Now I have gotten off my soapbox, put my paintball gun away, and vented. If anyone knows any humane, low cost (removal is expensive and not guaranteed – prices begin at $3000 plus $5.95 per goose), effective way to tell these geese to fly away home, please let me know!

Glenne       

029 Savvy Shopper

A passion for retail therapy

Shopping is my passion, hobby, relaxation, and refuge in times of trouble. I find it a cleansing of the mind and soul. Checking out a clearance rack for the ultimate bargain gets the adrenalin flowing and keeps me pumped up. 

I can scan a sale section like a super hero with X-ray vision. --- if there is a true bargain there, I will find it. I will swoop down and aim for the target. Occasionally someone may beat me to it, but I will hover hoping the item will be put back on the rack and often it is. If not, I move on to something else or check online for the same item.


Perseverance is the name of the game --- knowing the stock from precious visits and location of sale racks is crucial to my mission. Some stores keep sale items close together and in the same place, but every once in awhile, they pull a fast one and switch the racks around. This takes a little maneuvering, but the seasoned shopper can get back on track quickly with a fast tour of the store to find the coveted sale items.

I remember my first introduction to the clearance rack when I was about 12 years old. My mom had taken me shopping, and my most recent growth spurt had propelled me into what was called pre-teen clothes --- and there against the wall was a glorious sale section. I realized at that very young age that full price was a thing of the past. I am sure my mom had scoured the sale racks many years before that, but it was my first realization that I could buy so much more at a reduced price.

From then on, it has been a life of stalking clearance areas and watching for reductions -- sometimes with even more discounts than the price tag says. That really gets the adrenalin pumping. I was recently called a savvy shopper at a retail establishment as I whipped out extra savings coupons.


Needless to say, I can definitely be called a clothes horse, lover of the retail world, and even a shopaholic. If I haven’t been shopping for a few days, I start to go through withdrawal. I don’t always buy something when I am out, but the looking and “window shopping” are part of the experience. 

Several friends share my passion and often accompany me on shopping excursions out 

of town when local options have been exhausted. One trend we have found and embrace is the opening of thrift and consignment shops. Sometimes amazing buys are found in these establishments. The best buy of the last few years was a pair of Christian Louboutin red sole, black patent heels for $1. The usual price is several hundred dollars. So far, we haven’t found a better bargain even though we keep vehemently trying.

One of the closets of a Shopaholic

Some items still have tags on them.

This is certainly not for everyone, and some may have quite the opposite reaction about shopping as I do. But for those who share my passion, keep up the hunt.

Frances        

028 Fitbit--Kinda

Fitbit--Well, kinda . . .

Fitbit can control your life—if you let it!

So how does a laid-back person deal with this little manipulative gizmo?

To start at the beginning, I bought myself a Fitbit Zip for Christmas. I did have a few misgivings when I saw the commercial in which the Fitbit Flex orders a woman to get moving, but I liked the idea of tracking activity so I purchased the Zip since I did not want to wear something on my wrist.  You can put this one in your pocket or wear it attached to your bra, which is what I do.

You can synch the device to your computer or smartphone. If you are obsessive-compulsive about tracking your diet, you can register your weight and your desired weight. 

Then for every meal, you log in everything you eat and the dashboard that pops up every time you synch with the device will tell you how many calories you can eat--including if you have eaten too much.

I logged foods for a week.

You can input your sleep habits as well. Some of the other models will track your sleep but the Zip (fortunately) does not.  

It will also allow you to track how much water you drink.  It does not, however, log Diet Dr. Peppers!

Fitbit has other motivational features.  You can communicate with other Fitbit users and challenge each other via Facebook or otherwise.  I have not done that either.

Fitbit also awards medals when you reach certain goals. Since I track only walking, I have earned medals just for distances.  As you can see, I have received many step badges--lots for 10,000 steps in a day as well as a few 20,000 step badges.  

Fitbit takes your sex, weight and height into account to calculate your steps and translate those steps into miles. The Fitbit webpage also tells you how to exactly translate your steps into miles, but I have not done that.  The mileage does seem to be fairly accurate.  The iceberg badge indicates I have gone past 70 miles.  The next distance badge is 250 miles; I don't know why there are no interim ones.  Badges seem incidental, not motivational to me!  Until I pulled the badge list for the blog, I had no idea how many step badges I had.

Even though I am not using the food log, I have lost some weight so pushing for more miles seems to motivate me.

You can see your statistics on a daily, weekly, monthly, or all-time basis.

I began using Fitbit on Dec. 29 (remember my New Year's resolution blog?).  Since then I have walked 173 miles!

Trish                                

027 Moving

A ‘Moving’ Experience

Remember Alistair Cooke, posh-voiced, British reporter of 20 years for Masterpiece Theatre? It is he who best said that which I feel about New York City: “New York is the biggest collection of villages in the world.” 

Take a look at the NYC map. New Yorkers are identified in part by where they live. Our daughter, who has been in the city half of her life, is a West Side apartment dweller. Over the years she has moved uptown from 49th Street (Hell’s Kitchen), then to 75th and now to 84th Street. Both of the latter are known as the Upper West Side (UWS). 

The UWS is a residential neighborhood filled with young professionals in an area that allows them to avoid the tourists of Midtown and Times Square. Still, it is very close to all the attractions: just a block or so from Central Park and the convenience of Broadway as it winds its way through the neighborhood north and south. It’s a nice hike down to 60th at Columbus Circle and nearby Lincoln Center. Not only that, there is an AMC 6 movie complex across the street, Harry’s Shoes, a Zabar’s deli, and upscale fashion, along with burger joints (Five Napkins Burgers) and Zagat reviewed restaurants. 

Our daughter and son-in-law, both city attorneys, outgrew their 75th Street one bedroom apartment.

In the heart of the UWS on 84th Street is a seven-story building called Eagle Court, which does have an eagle or two on the front. Built in the 1920s, it was once part of the Borden Company with a mid-century conversion to living space. More importantly for Eagle Court, is that it is SAID to be the site where Edgar Allan Poe wrote “The Raven.” To some literati, Poe (b. 1840-d.1849) was considered New York’s first Bohemian poet. 

Front of Eagle Court at 84th Street with Poe plaque

While you are trying to remember some of the famous lines from “The Raven,” consider this point: It was just over a century ago that the UWS was still open country with farms, summer mansions for the barons like the Vanderbilts, and shanties of the poor. 

 Although today’s street grid plan had been developed in 1811, the actual cutting and leveling of the land did not begin until after the Civil War. This is the reason that Eagle Court is only the “reputed” home of Poe when he lived in NYC. 

BUT back to moving. I spent almost a week playing “momma” and helping pack and then unpack from one apartment to the other. Good moving company--efficient and quick. Praise to daughter and son-in-law for organizational skills. I was handed a spreadsheet with each box numbered and contents listed. Why didn’t I think of this when we last moved? Numbers are so much easier than just a room name on the box. 

The most interesting experience, however, was while the van was being loaded. The apartment building on 75th Street is not only a one way street but also a taxi route from Amsterdam Ave, across Broadway to West End Ave. BUSY! I sat in the van driver’s seat while the trucks, cars, and taxis inched by on my left. We did not want a traffic ticket for blocking the street. And police did come by--I just nodded like I knew what I was doing. Felt very superior and New York-ish.

The new apartment is much bigger and lighter with 20’ ceilings. Daughter bought herself a present to help them decorate. It’s a 22’ multi-telescoping ladder. Hoping I can add a photo someday of its use rather than a picture of said daughter in traction in NY-Presbyterian Hospital. 

They have a real kitchen with a DISHWASHER!!! Garbage disposals in the city are usually a no-go and dishwashers rare. Just like George Jefferson, they are “movin’ on up.” 

And check out the shelving….ladder may be needed to retrieve wine from purple wine rack (this across the room from the VERY HIGH windows). 


I had really dreaded this move in Manhattan. But it was relatively easy for me. Maybe not so for the two young people who still have much to arrange, wait for cable people, etc., and still go to work all day every day. BUT they really did just move within their own neighborhood. The state of NY has approximately 20 million people with over 8 million of them in NYC boroughs and 1.75 million in Manhattan. The UWS has roughly 230,000. Puts it into perspective, I think.



And two final thoughts about moving whenever and wherever--bubble wrap is good and muttering under one’s breath is expected!

Glenne

We received a lovely addendum from Lloyd Cather Dickson about the joys of moving in Barcelona.

Thanks for the pix!