230 Not my obit!

Not my obit! 

My name is pretty common but not so much that there are hundreds of Frances Lowes. If I use my maiden name of Chirico, the percentage goes way down. But recently a Frances Lowe was listed in the local newspaper in the obituaries.

I remember when we moved to Winchester, Va. more than 50 years ago that there was a woman by my name. She was shocked when she found out I had her name and had moved to Winchester. 

I had signed a petition trying to save the demolition of a gorgeous old mansion in the downtown area. I don’t remember if she told me directly or I heard from someone else that she was surprised and knew she had not signed the petition.

Fast forward to 2019 and the lady passed away in her late 90s. In addition, the obit had a photo that definitely was not me! So why would so many of my friends and acquaintances tell me they had seen the obit and had been shocked at first. But as they read on, they realized it was not me.

Not many people have had the opportunity to have reactions to what is perceived as their obit. It has been startling, shocking, and somewhat kind. So many of them told me how relieved they were whey they realized it was not me. I handled most reactions with humor as I said--did you notice the age, did you see the photo! They said the name is what caught their eye so it took a few seconds to process the rest of the obit. 

One irony to the situation is the first job I had at the local newspaper at the ripe old age of 16 was writing the obits. I had to call the funeral homes and take them all down by hand and then type it on a manual typewriter! That is one job I will never forget. 

I see hundreds of area residents when I work as an election official in my precinct. This year was shortly after the obit appeared. You can’t imagine how many people told me they were so relieved it wasn’t me on the obituary page. They also had to share that they thought it had to be an accident or a quick illness. Thank goodness, it was neither! But it was interesting to hear the general concern they had felt and then the relief of the reality. Thank you all for such sincere responses.

Not that I am glad it was the other Frances Lowe for her family and friends are mourning, but I am glad to still be here at least for the time being. It is interesting to view our mortality and know that it could have easily been me. It was comforting to know so many people were upset when they thought I had left the earth. I hope the shock of thinking it was me or the realization that it wasn’t me didn’t cause any damage to those who reacted to it. 

I remember my father, Antonio Chirico, and his reaction at the funeral of his twin brother, Antonino Chirico. The poor priest kept saying Antonio instead of Antonino--they both had gone by nicknames so the priest had a tough job keeping it all straight. 

Every time, my dad’s name was said--he loudly proclaimed that’s my name. We all could hardly keep a straight face and I am sure his twin would have loved it. They enjoyed playing jokes on each other. A family member quickly explained to the priest about the confusion of the one letter difference in the name. I now understand some of my father’s angst. When you are definitely alive, it is disconcerting to be thought the other way. 

I am sure there are others who have experienced this type of misunderstanding since so many names are duplicates throughout the world. Often, family members have close or even identical names, but when it is not family, it is a little more surprising. 

I think it was the position of the name on the top of the obit page that caused the stir. Friends have told me it was in a prominent position so it was even more alarming. One friend said he knew it wasn’t me because I would definitely use the funeral home where he worked, not the competition as she had,

I can’t help but think there are probably some of my former middle and high school students out there that think it was about time old Mrs. Lowe passed on or they thought I had been gone for years. Some could have even celebrated!

Please know that when you see me, it is not my ghost but the real me for now! A special thanks to those who were so sweet. It is nice to know that people were sad when they thought I was gone and relieved when they found out I was still around. What a crazy trip this has been.

Frances      

229 Best President Ever

 Best President Ever--Abraham Lincoln!

I am reading an interesting book, Rise to Greatness: Abraham Lincoln and America's Most Perilous Year by David Von Drehle, which focuses on 1862. I realize that some of my favorite reads have been about Lincoln--especially Team of Rivals: The Political 
Genius of Abraham Lincoln and Tried by War: Abraham Lincoln as Commander and Chief. 

The reading stock is endless. An NPR broadcast in 2012 estimated 15,000 books had been written about Lincoln. Historians honored Lincoln's place in history by erecting a structure--only 7,000 titles fit on this eight-foot-wide and thirty-four-foot-high tower of books about Lincoln that was in the Ford Theatre Lobby.

Only Jesus Christ has had more books written about him.

Looked at objectively, Lincoln at the time of his election seemed the most unlikely man to succeed as president. He won 39.8% of the popular vote but a majority in the electoral college at 61%. His election led to several Southern states seceding from the Union.

Lincoln was viewed as a rough Westerner [Yes, Illinois was considered the West!] Many were certain that he would be completely out of his depth in both national and international affairs.

He appointed his political antagonists to his cabinet. Many signed on--thinking they could run the government from their cabinet posts. But Lincoln was a master of keeping them balanced and useful. 

Salmon Chase, Secretary of the Treasury, is a good example. Chase pursued his ambition of running for president in 1864 while serving in the cabinet. He put his own likeness of the newly issued paper money, known as greenbacks, realizing how many people would see his image.

Lincoln said he could ignore Chase's political ambitions: "I am entirely indifferent in his success or failure in these schemes, so long as he does his duty as the head of the Treasury Department." 

As a librarian, I particularly appreciate Lincoln's love of reading. As a largely self-educated man, he was a voracious reader. After frustrating attempts to get his generals to develop a strategic plan for the war and to put it into effect, he undertook a deep study of military tactics and strategy, reading every

book the Library of Congress could provide on the topic. That study gave him the confidence to suggest specific strategies and to debate the course of the war with military leaders.

Lincoln's wide reading and a remarkable ability to remember and synthesize what he read helped make him one of the best orators of all time.

He had many other strengths and weaknesses, and I won't list them all. But Lincoln was the man the country needed in one of the worst times in its history. Historians consistently rank Lincoln as one of the top three of United States presidents.

I can't let this topic go without mentioning that I am greatly offended by Trump frequently comparing himself to Lincoln. Sidney Blumenthal in the October 24, 2019, New Yorker, stated it well: Trump's "portrayal of Lincoln's greatness is unmoored from anything that Lincoln thought of as politics and political leadership, chiefly the self-discipline, patience, and probity required to bring about the Emancipation Proclamation, the Thirteenth Amendment, and the Union victory--events that remade the nation."

Comparing Trump's unscripted speech and tweets to remarks by Lincoln makes you wonder who was the primary-school drop-out. And Lincoln read books!

Next on my list is Lincoln by David Herbert Donald, which is considered the best work on Lincoln by many scholars.

Trish                 

229 Tipping Points

Tipping Points

Dear Readers, this is a topic on which we would love to hear from you! Since summer vacation and eating at random restaurants, I have become more and more attuned to the quandaries about tipping. 

How much is appropriate and when and where and who? I was irritated recently when we received the meal tab which added a bottle of wine plus tax to the meal and the suggested tips printed on the bottom of the bill included ALL of these items. We tipped about 18% on the meal, 10% on the wine, and ignored their addition of the taxes.

One of the rules of thumb--i.e. etiquette--that I learned from my parents was that if the bill is less than $25 leave at least a 15% tip. If it over that, leave 18-20% depending upon special requests and service. Well, I am just not sure that is the BEST practice anymore. 

Glassdoor.com, a financial site for those in the restaurant service industry, shows that the average waiter/waitress in Virginia makes--in round figures--just over $20,000/year in salary and tips. That included salary, though, according to their latest data is $2.13/hour. That amount is not a pretty picture! 

So, that rule of thumb I was taught early on I have discarded. A favorite local restaurant has great sandwiches that run from $7.50 to $10.00, add a beverage and we’re up to less than $12. At 15% that’s a generous $1.80. Whee! I often leave $5. 

I don’t have lots of money to spare, but I do think that a decent tip rewards service and builds connections with the staff in places often frequented. And tipping is not just for restaurants. What about your hair salon? Dear Husband’s haircut is $25 and he gives his stylist $5 or $10--whichever he may have in his pocket. He’s a nice guy.

Hotels--that’s one I read up on before we go away. A dollar or two to the doorman for hailing a cab is standard. All those suitcases and totes to your room: We do $2 for big bags and $1 for each of the others. I think this is acceptable and it’s usually $10. Cleaning staff for your room! Yes. 

It is smart to have some extra dollar bills stashed somewhere. I realized this problem during the week we were in our NYC timeshare. We only saw the same maid twice. Therefore, unlike being on a cruise, if you leave the tip only the last day, someone is getting a nice tip and several cleaners are getting nothing!

Weddings and funerals are another conundrum. Most ministers today are upfront about their honorarium--somewhere between $100 and $200 for the service. But what about the car services or limo drivers? Flowers? Wedding planner? Service staff? The musicians? Did you get a separate bill? Did it include gratuity? I guess the best advice is to read the fine print and go with your heart and your wallet.

Speaking of wallets which is where both my cash and credit cards live--several servers I know would rather have a smaller cash tip than a slightly larger one on a credit card. And I don’t blame them. After all, “a bird in the hand.…”

I found this super-duper new website playing on my friend Google (as usual)! [I think Google should pay me!!] The website is www.calculator.net/tip. One can enter an amount and the tip percentage you wish to add and voila. All done. But lots of sites and your calculator or brain can do this, right? What’s great about the site is the world map that shows you in which countries you should tip and where it is an offensive gesture. Moreover, it has a handy chart for services and the usual tip percentage. I am sharing one of the most interesting parts with you.

“Below is a map that provides some information regarding whether or not a tip is expected, or how a tip may be received in certain regions, as well as a table of typical tip amounts in the United States and Canada for different services.” (Calculator.net cited above) 

Thanks to this great website, I have quit rolling my eyes at Dear Husband when he tips the delivery folks, plumber, pest control, et al. In fact, we give our yardman and our usual mechanic a decent holiday tip.

I learned a few things from this research. I wish I could be more philanthropic, but dear minimum wage earners, I feel for you! Keep up the good work and, maybe, just maybe, we’ll all have a little money left over at the end of the month.

Happy Fall, Glenne        

228 November Mish Mash

November Mish Mash

What a confusing time of year! We finish summer, celebrate Halloween, look forward to Thanksgiving, and are bombarded with gift ideas for Christmas. 

Plus, in the midst of it all, we have to change the clocks, vote in state and local elections, and take care of temperature changes for home and body.

This year we even had the World Series so close to home with the Washington Nationals winning. Way to go Nats!

Normally, it doesn’t seem so crazy, but this year the temperature has been extremely warm. We were wearing shorts about a week ago and now winter coats are needed. It seems as if we go straight from summer to winter, leaving out fall.

Seeing the frost on the colorful leaves that have dotted the green grass is a stark contrast from the sweltering heat and humidity. The laundry says it all as I wash shorts along with heavy sweatshirts. 

I haven’t even put away Halloween objects when Christmas buying is thrust upon the public at the local stores and by various forms of media. Buy this, but that, hurry up!! Really can it be this soon.

November seems to be a mish mash of seasons and holidays with Halloween candy, fall decorations, and Christmas items for sale in the stores a few aisles apart. I don’t know which to buy--all of them or none. I will have to face it at some time, but right now I want to turn my back and run out of the stores screaming.

It is time to cease and desist. Don’t get caught in the retail frenzy and don’t let advertisers push. There really is plenty of time to get it all done.

In addition to all of this confusion, add in the election. This year it is local and state offices, but it has been very intense. People we know are attacked for whatever reasons, and we wonder what in the world is going on. But we can’t let any of this change what needs to be done – vote. What is a semi-sane person to do! 

The only advice is to stay focused and tackle one job at a time. Put away the Halloween items and get rid of leftover candy but not by eating it all.

Try to keep Thanksgiving separate from Christmas and enjoy the day of thanks that is centered around food and family. Hold on to the fall décor as long as possible! 

After this, Christmas buying and decorating can begin. Watch for sales and discounts, remembering prices get lower the closer to Dec. 25. Decorating can be put off at least until Thanksgiving is over, and then bring out the festive red and green. 

As far as the wardrobe is concerned, try to stay cool or warm, depending on the extremes of weather. From humidity the day before Halloween to frost a day or two later, it isn’t easy to be prepared. Luckily, I hadn’t gotten around to putting away quilted jackets so I was ready for the cold. My sandals are still hanging around the closet so I should be okay if another warm spell hits.

The furnace was cleaned this summer and oil delivered so we are ready to heat the house. We actually went from air conditioning to running the furnace the next day or so. It is so confusing.

The important thing to remember is to go with the flow--keep it all in perspective and enjoy it all. It does settle in and snow will come all too soon.

Savvy Frances