274 Planning your own funeral redux

I woke up early hours Monday, Dec. 21 with chills and then fever. I spent the day with a dull headache wondering if I had it. First thing Tuesday, I went for a test and was confirmed positive. I am writing this on Thursday and am feeling like I am starting to get a cold but with little other symptoms. 

I have suspicions where I contracted it since a walking buddy went for a test after me and also showed positive. Now I remember she was complaining of feeling like she had a cold or allergies!

I have high hopes that I will continue with these minor complaints and nothing more. But I must confess my first thoughts were morbid and I revisited a blog I had posted in September 2018 to see where I stood on funeral planning. With your indulgence, I am reprinting it:

Planning Your Own Funeral

I have noticed recently that there are many obituaries in the newspaper with what looks like high-school photographs of people who were 70 or 80 years old when they died.

I am not sure anyone would recognize this photo as Trish Ridgeway if it were attached to an obituary. Of course, I am not in contact with many people that knew me in my younger days since I moved around as a Navy brat and changed locations every two years. I must say, however, that I have trouble picking my husband Harry out of a group picture from high school!

Of course, I googled obituary photographs and found plenty of advice about how to choose one. Plus one article noted that it is a recent trend to use much younger photos in obituaries.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer did a study of the use of obituary photos over time. “Obituaries and their photographs are one reflection of our society at a particular moment in time,” said Keith Anderson, co-author of the study and assistant professor of social work at Ohio State University. “In this case, we can get hints about our views on aging and appearance from the photographs chosen for obituaries. Our findings suggest that we were less accepting of aging in the 1990s than we were back in the 60s.”

I bet that few people have formal portraits made in old age. You see many blurry photos in obituaries that seem to be enlarged from a group candid shot.

In this Google search, I also found many websites that told you how to plan your own funeral. Many are purely mercenary, wanting to hook you up with lawyers or funeral homes, but I also discovered sites on the topic from the New York Times and Kiplinger's.

Everyone offers a checklist of what to do--writing down what type of burial or cremation, what type of service, eulogists, pallbearers, music, readings.

And, of course, the advice tells you to write your own obituary. I saw an ad for a four-week course on writing your own obituary. That seems a bit much to me! Do you want "just the facts, mam," a literary masterpiece, or something that reflects your humor and point of view?

Being an obsessive-compulsive type, I immediately started answering the questions in the checklists and writing my own obituary. When I discussed what I was doing with my husband Harry, we discovered that although we had generally discussed what we want, each of us had preferences the other did not know.

While I was thinking about all this, Senator John McCain's funeral was going on. Sen. McCain had time to think about and plan his funeral even though I imagined he and his family hoped it would be later than it was. If we die suddenly, imagine the stress of the grieving survivors trying to plan a funeral in usually less than a week after the death. We usually spend a year or more planning a wedding or other special event!

So it makes sense to plan ahead and make sure your wishes are available immediately to loved ones. That means don't put the plans in a lockbox!

A morbid subject to be sure but one to think about. Now I have to go back and add more humor to my obituary! 

Back to 2020, still being compulsive, I reviewed my planning list and my draft obit--it still needs more humor!

                                                     Trish