282 My dirty little secret

My Dirty Little Secret

It’s almost raining outside. It’s gray and humid, and I am pretending it is a snow day. I have been a slug most of the day. I did make the bed and finished a mystery book. That’s it so far today and it’s four p.m. My phone weather app says it will be raining in two hours and 35 minutes. Okay, good to know. 

Now--this is my dirty little secret. I don’t really care that it is after four o’clock and I have done nothing useful. This is what the pandemic has done for OR to me.

The old me made a to-do list and felt responsible to get everything checked off. I don’t feel that pressure right now. Unless it is an important appointment or a promise I have made, the “to-do” will get done when I doggone feel like doing it or maybe never at all.

Part two of the dirty little secret is that I do not think I am ready to go back to normal with meetings face-to-face. I do not want to regularly feel I have to go to the grocery store for virtuous healthy food. Isn’t pizza just easier? Add a few carrot and pepper slices, and I feel good about dinner. And licking the spoon after you stick it in the peanut butter jar makes a great lunch. I have gotten incredibly lazy.

Rarely do I bother to check social media. Maybe once a week now instead of every day, likely it was several times a day. I love my sweat pants and t-shirts. I do still use lipstick because I don’t like dry lips, but I do not bother to look in the mirror when it is applied. I do need to moisturize because I have dry skin, and, as the kids say, I look ashy. That’s the beauty routine.

Let me say that I do think this past year has been one of unspeakable tragedy and who will know for years what collective physical and mental health problems may arise from COVID -19. We are supposedly seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but some people, besides me, may not be too eager to return to life as it was before the pandemic. I think more people are keeping that to themselves. I thought it might be wise to be brave and print it out there for anyone to see.

Old social habits still seem disconcerting. I am not willing to go back to being around maskless people in close quarters. I have NOT really missed being hugged or kissed on the cheek or patted on the shoulder in greeting or saying goodbye. 

I like social distancing. I think it is smart. I have had one mild runny nose/cold in the past thirteen months. Usually, I have two or three a year. 

I didn’t miss Thanksgiving or Christmas gatherings. I can keep up with the relatives with whom I have connection with a couple of emails or phone calls. Even Zoom. A lot of Zoom this past year!

I wonder: Can you lose your social skills in one year? I fear my skills will be rusty. A good conversation? Hmm? Can I do that anymore? On the phone is different from in-person. I believe man is meant to socialize, to have interactions. None of us separately is as great as the whole. But I have anxiety about it. 

I have put off my teeth cleaning for three months. The poor receptionist finally said: “Call us when you feel ready to come in.” I hope I don’t get some awful gum disease, but I am not ready for someone to put instruments and hands in my face and month. I feel a tiny bit guilty, but not enough to really keep an appointment.

One other thing I learned about myself this year is that I was exhausted trying to keep up with everything I said I would do or should do. I hope we can all emerge from this pandemic gently, not asking too much of ourselves or of each other. I like naps and watching movies late at night.

If you, too, are feeling anxious about returning to normal, take solace in the fact that you are not the only one. COVID-19 affected us all.

Be well, be kind to yourself, and don’t let the world overwhelm you.

                                         Glenne

P.S, Cute joke: Will all the babies conceived this past year be known as Coronials? (Oh, well, I thought it was clever.)