067 The substitute

        The Substitute

Hello, Readers! This is going be one of my shorter blogs. I have been a substitute teacher for 13 days the past month or so and have signed on three more days this week. Frankly, I am exhausted. I think there is a nervous breakdown coming!

I taught for 30 plus years, but having been away from the early rising and, at lunch break having to choose between going to the bathroom or a diet Coke and cheese crackers, I AM, repeat, exhausted. Not only that, I am grumpy when I get home in the afternoon. Very grumpy. Very, very grumpy.

Okay, I agree. I am nuts. Seven of the sub days have been with second graders. They are self-absorbed. “He said….” “She’s touched me ….” AND they want to tell it to the teacher immediately. (OH, give me patience!) One sweet-looking little girl raises her hand to answer every question. If called on, she replies “I don’t know.” After several days, I called her to the desk and asked why she raised her hand at every question. Her response: “Everybody else was raising their hands.” Hmmm. Well, I asked.

As a group, they are decent kids, but already (at ages 7 and 8) their peers are of more interest than the lesson on the smartboard (not chalkboard, if you please). One of the little girls who appears more 12 than seven runs to the door to see if “her boo” is passing in the hall. AT SEVEN?! A boyfriend?

A substitute, if he or she is to survive, must have a list of do’s and don’ts. Do stand at the door when the children arrive. Don’t let them in until they see you standing there – looming above them. Ask each for a name. You likely won’t remember it, but they have answered to you. Do make sure you know the teacher’s routine. Roll, lunch, weather, calendar are the usual firsts of the day. THEN, read to them. No matter what the lesson plans are, READ for five minutes. Something funny works. Often I use one from the Miss Nelson series. She’s a scary old broad. OR from the Black Lagoon series whose substitute is Frank N. Stein. Or just start “Charlotte’s Web.” Reading still can coerce children into learning mode.

Never, I repeat, NEVER let two go to the bathroom at the same time. They will be gone forever it seems and when they do return they will have stories they feel they MUST tell. You do not want to hear them.

But chatty, chatty, chatty they are. If they are working at their lessons, just let quiet talk go. But NO falling out of seat on purpose, no marking on another’s paper, no breaking of crayons. (Oh, how I hated anyone to touch my pristine crayons.) I find it strange that the seating arrangement now common is four to a table. No more single desks in a row. No wonder they chat!

So, fellow-subs, do remember you can go home at 3 o’clockish and have a drink --or at least an aspirin. The regular teacher can’t.

Try subbing if you are looking for a new pastime. You will remember it forever.

Best to all from frazzled Glenne