067 The substitute

        The Substitute

Hello, Readers! This is going be one of my shorter blogs. I have been a substitute teacher for 13 days the past month or so and have signed on three more days this week. Frankly, I am exhausted. I think there is a nervous breakdown coming!

I taught for 30 plus years, but having been away from the early rising and, at lunch break having to choose between going to the bathroom or a diet Coke and cheese crackers, I AM, repeat, exhausted. Not only that, I am grumpy when I get home in the afternoon. Very grumpy. Very, very grumpy.

Okay, I agree. I am nuts. Seven of the sub days have been with second graders. They are self-absorbed. “He said….” “She’s touched me ….” AND they want to tell it to the teacher immediately. (OH, give me patience!) One sweet-looking little girl raises her hand to answer every question. If called on, she replies “I don’t know.” After several days, I called her to the desk and asked why she raised her hand at every question. Her response: “Everybody else was raising their hands.” Hmmm. Well, I asked.

As a group, they are decent kids, but already (at ages 7 and 8) their peers are of more interest than the lesson on the smartboard (not chalkboard, if you please). One of the little girls who appears more 12 than seven runs to the door to see if “her boo” is passing in the hall. AT SEVEN?! A boyfriend?

A substitute, if he or she is to survive, must have a list of do’s and don’ts. Do stand at the door when the children arrive. Don’t let them in until they see you standing there – looming above them. Ask each for a name. You likely won’t remember it, but they have answered to you. Do make sure you know the teacher’s routine. Roll, lunch, weather, calendar are the usual firsts of the day. THEN, read to them. No matter what the lesson plans are, READ for five minutes. Something funny works. Often I use one from the Miss Nelson series. She’s a scary old broad. OR from the Black Lagoon series whose substitute is Frank N. Stein. Or just start “Charlotte’s Web.” Reading still can coerce children into learning mode.

Never, I repeat, NEVER let two go to the bathroom at the same time. They will be gone forever it seems and when they do return they will have stories they feel they MUST tell. You do not want to hear them.

But chatty, chatty, chatty they are. If they are working at their lessons, just let quiet talk go. But NO falling out of seat on purpose, no marking on another’s paper, no breaking of crayons. (Oh, how I hated anyone to touch my pristine crayons.) I find it strange that the seating arrangement now common is four to a table. No more single desks in a row. No wonder they chat!

So, fellow-subs, do remember you can go home at 3 o’clockish and have a drink --or at least an aspirin. The regular teacher can’t.

Try subbing if you are looking for a new pastime. You will remember it forever.

Best to all from frazzled Glenne        

       

066 Papal positives

Papal positives

Pope Francis’s visit to the U.S. is over, but the spectacular events are a lasting memory. I hated to see it all end. It added so much to our everyday lives, giving us a break from the tedious reporting of the presidential candidates’ latest escapades.

At first I was not that interested, but as the events unfolded, my attention never waned. I had to see every minute of his visit--the parades, the celebration of the Mass, the welcoming ceremonies--every tiny detail was of utmost importance to me.

It was enthralling and uplifting, to say the least, and brought back many precious memories. The High Mass with the incense and Latin responses evoked many past experiences, growing up in the Roman Catholic Church. While these practices are still part of the services of the church, they are not as frequent as they once were as I remember as a much younger person. 

Many newscasters were seeking meaning and understanding of the practices, but any Catholic raised in the 1950s and 1960s could explain them as the Mass--the most beautiful ceremony of prayer including all the beliefs of the religion. Mass is said daily in Catholic churches throughout the world--definitely not with as much formality as when the Pope is the main celebrant--but all the basic parts take place each day.

I realized the man himself brings something to us all--a sincerity that cannot be ignored, a humility that is refreshing, and a love that is given freely to everyone.

His sermons brought us all closer to the true meaning of Christianity, emphasizing the need to help the least of our brothers and sisters.

A man of the people, he made himself available by taking part in parades, outdoor ceremonies, and Mass unfolding in such public settings as Madison Square Garden in New York City. 

Circumstances kept me away from his Washington, D.C. visit--I only live about 60 miles from the amazing city. But a good friend kept me posted of his appearance on the streets of D.C. as she sent photos, watching for him and then seeing him drive by in his Pope Mobile. It was the next best thing to being there. 

It was interesting to watch on TV as he passed by on his many routes through the cities. The crowds would stand around afterwards in no hurry to leave--savoring each moment and soaking in the essence of a great man. I felt the same as he passed by on the TV screen and would hope to get another glimpse at a different angle.

What a welcome change in these troubled times of violence, mass shootings, and political polarization. I wish we could have bottled the essence of Pope Francis and spread it throughout the U.S. long after his visit, healing the hurts of the population and bringing us closer together while curing the ills of our modern world.

Sure the church really hasn’t changed, but it is still so nice to have someone in charge who leads in such a gentle, kind manner. He reminds me of a sweet old uncle who was always there and would offer kind words and deeds when needed.

I really did not want his visit to end, but he couldn’t take up residence in the U.S. The Vatican beckoned him back for his important work after such a momentous visit to our country.

Thank you Pope Francis for coming to the states and sharing your warmth and love with us. Here’s hoping it will have a lasting impact on our present situation, and we will all be kinder to one another, coming together on pressing issues. One can only hope!

Frances        

065 Relicman

Married To . . .
Relicman

My husband Harry deals in Civil War military relics and runs a webpage called relicman.com. Being married to Relicman is always interesting, sometimes hilarious, and other times mystifying.

His webpage is huge with many, many listings of old buttons, guns, swords, buckles, money, artillery and other accouterments of the time.

The part that mystifies me is how many devoted fans he has. If he adds a bunch of new items, the phone starts ringing almost immediately. These guys (most of them are men) must just sit around watching his page for new listings or maybe they have some sort of program that alerts them to updated content? They want to be the first to get something or other.

He sells all over the world. Sometimes the cost of shipping a cannonball (always unarmed) to Australia exceeds the cost of the ball, but the buyer wants it anyway. He regularly sells antique bullets to a collector in Poland. These guys are fanatics!

One time we were in an elevator in a motel in Charleston, S.C. A guy gets on the elevator, takes a look at him, and says, “Aren’t you Relicman?”  He also recognized me from my picture on the webpage and asked how the dogs, also shown on the page, were doing. We couldn’t decide if we were famous or notorious.

I go with him to relic shows in various locations around the South and the Mid-Atlantic area. Imagine table after table of Civil War relics with a few tables of books about the Civil War interspersed. Surprise, I enjoy looking at the books. Harry likes me to go to shows with him so I can watch his tables while he walks around looking at everyone else’s stuff. We are friends with many of the vendors and enjoy seeing them at the shows.

Most of the vendors know each other’s merchandise so they are mainly looking to see what is new on each other’s tables. For one show, we took along a collection we had newly purchased from the widow of a man who had dug relics and kept everything. It was like a feeding frenzy at our tables. Our fellow vendors (I don’t think the regular show customers got much of a chance.) mobbed the tables and wanted to examine everything because it was inventory they had not seen before. We sold a lot of stuff.

Harry knows much arcane information about Civil War arms. People love to listen to him talk on and on and on about this artillery shell vs. that artillery shell, etc. He has explained many technical details to me but I forget it almost immediately. He can’t understand why.  My explanations that I don’t really care about the difference between a lead and a brass sabot seems to hurt his feelings.

My main experience with trade shows was going to national library conventions and visiting the library exhibitors. Big difference! The biggest one is there are never any lines for the ladies room at Civil War relic shows!

You know when your husband carries cannonballs and artillery shells in and out of shows, he can never tell you that something is too heavy for him to carry. Fortunately, he has figured out the best way to carry heavy stuff.

I imagine it is worse being married to a doctor or a lawyer, but there a lot of people out there looking for free advice. We get calls at least several times a week with a statement such as they have this cannonball that looks just like the one on Relicman except for a few minor details like the weight and the fuse hole. People watch Antique Roadshow and other similar programs and think they have a hugely expensive Civil War relic. Most of the items are not worth that much, some are not Civil War, and you really have to examine others closely to tell. Just like any antique, condition and provenance make a big difference. But the callers all want to know right now on the phone how much their item is worth!

Because some Civil War relics can command very high prices, people are making fake buckles or taking a relatively cheap button and changing it to be a more expensive one.

Some folks take reproduction items and doctor them to look old. People hate to be told that they bought a fake, and Harry always advises them to get another opinion. Don’t shoot the messenger!

None of these are cannonballs!

Some individuals think that they have found an old cannonball around their house. Some people have been lucky. Other people have brought to us for identification:

• Mill balls--they are not fully round.
• Round balls off the top of fence posts or bedposts--also are not fully round and are thin-walled with a big hole at the bottom.
• Round weights--usually not round.

See, I have picked up some arcane knowledge along the way!  

                                           But

Don’t call me Mrs. Relicman

Or Relicwoman!

Civil War Savvy Trish        

064 Who's coming?

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

Hello, readers! Our family for many years has played the age-old game of "who would you like to have sitting around your dinner table, fictional or real, dead or alive?"  Sometimes we would keep it to a genre--all authors, all political leaders, all pop culture icons; most times anyone was fair game. The caveat is that when one names the guest, a reason for the invitation must be explained. In other words, why the invite?

If you have never played this game, Thanksgiving would be a great time to try it. Then the family, if engaged in the game, will not be privy to some of the usual impolite “Is it true that you have a boyfriend . . . you’re pregnant . . . you lost your job?” occurring at the table while Uncle Ralph falls face down into the mashed potatoes.

I have created this guest list for my dinner party for the coming week based on my mood! It has been a rather lousy week. Nothing earthshakingly bad--we are well in body if not in spirit. So far this summer, I have had to replace two cars: my 14-year-old Jeep decided to die, bought a new one, which was rear-ended six weeks later by a big red pickup whose driver told the state policeman that he was cleaning his glasses and guessed he didn’t see me! (Duh? Huh?)

When we renovated/upgraded our 1808 house (charming though it may be) 15 years ago, I believe we were naïve enough to think the appliances and upgrades would last us for our lifetime. We are NOT young! However, in 2015 we have had the tin roof redone, upgraded some of the electric so as not to crash another computer, replaced the exhaust fan (no central air), replaced the microwave, the washer and dryer, two new toilets, and the refrigerator comes next Tuesday. 

NO! DON’T! Stop adding it up. It is a LOT of $$ and I am not happy. Think how many trips to NYC and Broadway shows, and baseball games, and and . . .You get the gist!

Here’s the list of party people--or as my husband posits, “She’s stirring the pot again.”

Hilary Clinton--although she was polished and poised in last Tuesday night’s debate, I am disappointed in some of the ways she had handled her duties,e.g., emails! So, let’s see how poised and polished she really is?

Monica Lewinsky--think I will ask her to bring the cigars and wear a blue dress. Truly, I found the whole episode in history titillating at the time. However, with sexual harassment and bullying such issues now, I wonder if Monica thinks she would be “thrown under the bus,” this woman with a degree from the London School of Economics, who is now 42 years old.

Ivan IV, Tsar of Russia (aka “Ivan the Terrible”)--poor boy (too many Russian biographies maybe?). The son of Grand Prince Vasily of Moscow, his parents may have been poisoned and at age 3, in 1533, he became prince of Moscow. The nobles, as in all countries it seems, began fighting for control. At age 13, Ivan become the “tsar” (from Caesar) and was married to a Romanov. Ivan tried to create a Christian state with reforms of both central and local governments. 

Meanwhile, he (Russia) was besieged by the Tatar and Kazan factors on the Volga. He needed access to the sea for landlocked Russia as he wanted trade with Europe, particularly England. Now, to secure the sea, he went to war with Livonia (now Latvia and Estonia). Russia lost not only the sea route but much money, and the war devastated the population. The “terrible” epithet was given as he suspected treason from his Russian leaders whom he put to death. His achievements in foreign policy, however, forced Russia to work with Europe; his ideas were followed by Peter I (Peter the Great) and subsequent leaders. He encouraged cultural growth, particularly writing and printing--often his own Christian Orthodox views (now lost in the great fire of St . Petersburg).

Vladimir Putin, president of Russia from 2000-2008 and re-elected in 2012. Educated in Leningrad and graduating in 1975, he began a KGB career in East Germany. After the fall of the Soviet Union, Putin returned to Leningrad as a “liberal-leaning” politician. In 1998, Putin was appointed to Boris Yeltsin’s administration, in charge of the Kremlin’s relations with regional governments and head of Yeltsin’s Security Council. In 1999, Yeltsin promoted Putin to Prime Minister. When Yeltsin resigned as the Russian president in late 1999, Putin became the acting president and announced Russia as a US ally after the terrorist attacks of 2001. 

In 2004, Putin visited Israel to talk with Ariel Sharon, the first visit to Israel by any Kremlin leader. Giving Edward Snowden of the NSA leaks sanctuary and banning US adoption of Russian children strained US relations. Putin’s anti-gay laws, his disregard for the US fear of Syrian chemical weapons and, not long after the Sochi Olympics, Putin sending troops into the Crimea to save the Black Sea Fleet stationed in there have not helped good will. He did not, he said, want war with the Ukraine. (During this time, popular culture pundits announced that he had been nominated for the Nobel peace prize.) He continues, the international press reports, to participate in the Orthodox Christian church. 

William Shakespeare, the greatest playwright of all times. I want to see who shows up! Was there REALLY a REAL William Shakespeare? No more explanation is needed for this one!

Dorothy Parker, poet, short story writer, satirist, and critic noted for her wisecracking eye on 20th century culture. She wrote for my favorite magazine, The New Yorker, before heading to Hollywood to be a screenwriter. She was a “small f” feminist and a civil rights leader before it was the popular thing to do. Thus, Parker ended up on the famous Hollywood blacklist. My favorite quotation is “Living well is the best revenge.”

Walter Cronkite, the broadcast journalist and TV anchorman and known as the “most trusted man in America.” He reported on WWII, the Nuremberg trials, the Vietnam War, Watergate, the Iran hostage crisis, the assassinations of JFK, MLK, and John Lennon. Cronkite was also the voice of the US space program. He was the soul of America for many years. I need this man at the dinner table to keep it civilized and to ask the best questions. “And that’s the way it is.”

Whom would you invite? 

We Savvy Broads would love to know. 

Glenne            

063 Street Walkers

Street Walkers

The idea popped into my head about a year ago to walk every street in Winchester. I retired in June 2014 and started walking to get in shape after years of working at a computer and sitting at my desk and also to lose a little weight (that hasn’t happened yet.) I found out I could get in shape but mainly maintain my weight not really dropping pounds, but I keep trying.

So to shake things up a little I thought maybe I could cover the city (9.3 square miles). Definitely taking my time, I convinced Savvy Broad Trish to join me in this pursuit and off we went. Of course, her dog Savvy Tootsie came along, protecting us from other dogs, a few squirrels, and some wayward cats.

After living in Winchester for more than 40 years, I thought I knew the city – Trish has been here more than 25 years and felt the same as I did--but we discovered we knew very little except about our own neighborhoods.

One thing that was impressive is there are no areas that are littered and derelict. The city does a great job in keeping the streets clean. That is not saying that some areas could use improvement, but overall cleanliness is not a problem. Also the city has a blight program that handles empty buildings which also is a big improvement.


We found out city residents really like their pets. Most neighborhoods had resident dogs and cats who are protective of their turf but in a friendly manner. While they may bark or stare at us as intruders, they stayed in their own areas a little suspicious of our motives, but never aggressive. Cats gave us looks as why are you here and don’t stay too long.

We encountered friendly residents, many sitting on their porches, who did not hesitate to give us a welcoming greeting with a how are you and good morning. I am sure they had thoughts about why these over-the-hill women were traversing the neighborhood, but no one inquired and left us on our quest to cover the city streets.

Yards and gardens were well maintained throughout Winchester as well as porch plants and potted flowers. We were impressed by the amount of flowers and vegetable gardens that were kept alive and thriving throughout the spring and summer. A great deal of pride and ownership is evident in most neighborhoods by the amount of time spent keeping yards attractive.

In a few cases, we did not walk the entire length of some streets, especially those with a great deal of traffic. On busy thoroughfares, we walked enough blocks to get the feel of the area. Most streets we walked the entire length, sometimes running into acquaintances, but usually no one was home. Many areas were definitely working neighborhoods as drive-ways and carports appeared empty for the day.

As we walked, I highlighted the streets on the map.

Sometimes it was hard to determine the city limits line so we relied on a map I purchased at the Winchester-Frederick County Visitors Center. We had to walk a few blocks in some areas and then come back to find the city limits sign, but that was not the norm. Most areas were well marked.

Our basic conclusion is that Winchester is a good city to take up residence and offers a variety of options as far as apartments, townhouses, senior housing, parks, green space, sidewalks, parks, and housing divisions. Some areas were definitely child-oriented with toys and bicycles as evidence in the yards. Many times we both agreed that we would like to live in some of the areas.

We hope the Green Circle (a walking area proposed around the city) is completed soon. It would be a great addition for the citizens to get around the city. A few sections are complete and of course, we walked them, but the circle has a long way to go.

I invite all of you to get to know your community a little better by becoming a street walker and take in all the unique and special qualities of where you live. Don’t rush it --- take your time and enjoy it.

Savvy Street Walker Frances   

    

062 Remembering Yogi

I will miss Yogi Berra

Although not now a big baseball fan, as a child I watched many a game with my dad.  Watching the game was only half the fun. The other entertainment was watching dad jib and jive as he vicariously caught each pop-up foul or eluded the catcher while sliding into home plate.

No one else in the family joined me, but I was a Yankee fan. Growing up as a Navy brat, we moved many times and sometimes were overseas.  The Yankees were a constant to me; plus they had memorable players like Yogi Berra, Mickey Mantle, and Roger Maris.


But Berra was a true American original. He was drafted by the Yankees in 1943 but enlisted in the Navy in World War II and was wounded in the D-Day landing.  He came back to the Yankees and played in 14 World Series, was named the American League's Most Valuable Player three times, and coached the Yankees and the Mets after he retired as a player.

He is most remembered for his Yogisms although he said he did not say everything that was credited to him.

It seemed a simpler time when it was the Yankees against the Dodgers.  Truly Good vs. Evil to me.  Now I understand that there were Dodgers' fans who felt the opposite. Nothing seems simple these days! 

Berra, in spite of an inspiring career, remained a modest man who loved his family and his friends.  His words were simple but somehow inspiring:

Trish      

061 Ten strange labels

10 STRANGE Labels    

Or Someone Did Something Not Very Bright

One of the TV shows our family watched together was 60 Minutes--for years and years. My personal favorite on the show were the commentaries by curmudgeon Andy Rooney, he of the bushy eyebrows and cynical take on everyday life. 

Recently I found a twenty-odd year old book of his essays. Flipping through it, the realization came to me that the world has not changed. 

One was the cautionary story about not removing the tags from pillows “under penalty of the law.” As a child, I was sure police would arrive with handcuffs if I removed said tag.

Alas, I am a label reader. Yes, I read directions, too. I read ingredients. I am sure if Andy Rooney were still around he would have a grand time with some of my favorite labels.

#10.

In a college’s self-serve dining hall: the notice reads – “ please do not put buttered bread into the toaster; do not use fork to remove toast.” (Do not stick your finger in a light socket either!)

#9.

New Jersey gas pump (where it is still illegal to pump your own gas): “Please PRE-PAY in ADVANCE.”

#8. 

From a pizza company called One Big Pizza: remove plastic wrap before heating; cook with crust-side down. (okay – this is a funny mental picture!)

#7. 

Wal-Mart fish tank: Additional suggested purchases include rocks, aquatic plants and fish. (Really--fish! What a good idea!) aquarium

#6. 

Craftsman mower: do not attempt to remove blade when mower is running. (no comment)

#5.

Jigsaw puzzle box: assembly required. (again, no comment)

#4. 

Child-sized Batman costume: costume does not enable child to fly (Well, shoot--he had such hopes!)

#3.

Clemson, SC road sign: “CAUTION – water on road during rain.” (Isn’t there a college in Clemson called Clemson that has a good reputation?!?)

#2. 

Rowenta Iron: “do not use hot iron while wearing clothes.” (I think I understand what was meant?)

AND MY FAVORITE #1. 

San Antonio, TX: 

Cemetery Road--DEAD End. 

(irony--I love irony!)

Can’t help but wonder if there were legal suits in some of the above. And the backstories must be hilarious.

If you enjoyed these, please post your favorite labels! 

SavvyBroad Glenne

060 Savvy Summer

Savvy summer

Weary winter

When Labor Day arrives, I go into my usual period of mourning that comes on with the end of summer and the arrival of fall. I am a summer freak---I love it. 

Bring on the heat, humidity,

longer days, sandals, 

Bermuda shorts, family trips, 

and beach vacations!

I thrive on summer and come to life after surviving long, cold winters and chilly spring days. Some people are the opposite and can’t wait for the colder temps, snow, ice and all the other hazards of winter, but definitely not me. I have tried to rein in my extreme feelings about the change of seasons, but I am not very successful. Putting away sandals and other summer garb can be extremely stressful.

Don’t get me wrong – I love air conditioning and all the modern conveniences that make the seasonal extremes more comfortable. But knowing that it is warm and sunny outside sustains me while I bask in indoor cooling. 

Why do the warmer months fly by with a myriad of activities to keep everyone busy, but bring on winter and the days creep by as we are trapped indoors, iced in by snow and sleet, with events canceled on a regular basis and so little daylight.

While I truly love the weather and colors of fall, I view them as warnings of what is to come ---nasty, nasty winter. Fall days pass too quickly leading up to the dreaded months of cold.

I have made a resolution this year to try very, very hard to enjoy every day of fall and not even think for one second of what will follow--that’s not going to happen--but I am going to try. 

Friends have told me they feel the same way and are also trying to enjoy autumn’s treasures. Maybe as a group we can overcome the dire anticipation of winter!

Every falling leaf used to bring on a rapid heart rate as I dreaded the bare trees and bleak colors of winter. But I am going to appreciate every colorful flying object that is freed from its branch as it makes its way to the ground.

Who am I kidding --- I will probably still dread winter but maybe manage to get through it with hopefully a tiny bit of enthusiasm – ha!  One bright spot is I do enjoy some of the fashions – boots, sweaters, coats -- so a few new wardrobe additions might make it just a little better.

This past winter brought a little break. It was the first winter that we were both retired so we could head south to escape the weary winter days. It was amazing. No boots, shovels, gloves, hats, and heavy coats were allowed. Toes were freed from heavy socks and got to relax in airy sandals. It sure didn’t seem like February!

But I was very bad the rest of last winter. I usually walk outside in the warm months and was going to try to bundle up and keep walking-- that didn’t work. I really meant to go to the gym, but that didn’t happen either. Maybe this year will be different. (I doubt it.)

I am not sure why I have such strong feelings about the end of summer. Possibly my heritage dictates some of it. My family on both sides came from the very southern tip of Italy – “the toe of the boot” as my mother would say. The area is very warm with mild winters. I am not sure that has any scientific validity for my extreme dislike of the cold months, but it makes sense to me.

I know there is nothing I can do to stop the onslaught of bitter cold days. I will try to be tolerant and head south to Florida as soon as I can and stay as long as possible!

Frances